Seeing Our Spouse as a Whole Person

In my work as a psychotherapist and leadership mentor I am continually encouraging individuals and couples to live fully and congruently from their Core in all 8 Dimensions in order to realize the full capacity of their uniquely designed lives. Individually the benefits of Whole Life Living seem indisputable. What I’ve come to realize is that when these principles are applied within the context of a marriage relational transformation can also occur.

To illustrate this point; when we begin to see our partner as a Whole Person we in effect humanize them. This may seem odd to say, but the reality is that as time goes by we tend to increasingly see (and thereby define) our partners by their roles in our life; pay check provider, kid shuttler, meal planner and preparer, little league coach, domestic service person to name a few. In other words our husband or wife is seen as what they do (or don’t do) rather than who they are. We lose sight of the bigger and deeper picture of who that person is who is sharing our bed at night. 


This basic but important shift in focus can have a dramatic impact on our relationships. Such awareness helps:

  • Inform us as to our deepest calling as a marriage partner; to connect with and nurture, in an intimate manner, this living, feeling, experiencing soul we call “husband” or “wife”.

  • Create an environment of humility, non-judging acceptance, repentance and grace; vital ingredients in freeing us to be our open, honest and unique selves. Here we find healing when wounded and encouragement to grow; true relational life!

  • Provide direction and establish priorities. Forming and maintaining relationship at the Core Level (being) must always precede connection at the Dimensional Level (doing). See your partner fully. Check in with them at their deepest level of being and provide soul validating love. Then move from there to discussing the specific needs they may be experiencing in the varied dimensions of their life.

The blending of two distinct souls with their uniquely expressed dimensions is, to me, one of life’s biggest challenges and greatest mysteries.  When we see our marriage thru an 8 Dimension, Whole Life lens we are more likely to meet that challenge and enjoy the mystery.


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